


Sanity is Subjective

by NK (NKfloofiepoof)



Category: Transformers - All Media Types, Transformers Generation One
Genre: Crack, Gen, Humor, Prompt Fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-07-27
Updated: 2012-07-27
Packaged: 2017-11-10 19:53:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 547
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/470038
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NKfloofiepoof/pseuds/NK
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>If you don't stop apologizing, I <i>will</i> grab you somewhere unpleasant.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Sanity is Subjective

**Author's Note:**

> Camfield roped a bunch of us in [Shibara](http://shibara-ffnet.livejournal.com)'s Livestream into doing a prompt exchange. There were five of us total – one gave everyone a prompt, and the other four had 15 minutes to write something for it. Unfortunately, the 15-minute time limit was pretty strict – we could finish sentences, but we couldn't finish where were going with what we were writing, so these are all really rough and end rather abruptly.

_“If you don’t stop apologizing, I_ will _grab you somewhere unpleasant.”_

Optimus paused in his prayer mid-sentence and let his gaze drift up. He knelt before a small altar in his quarters - well, sort of. A few crates stacked on top of one another with an effigy of the Matrix carved out of obsidian from the volcano could hardly be called an “altar”, but there it was. He had put it together shortly after the Autobots’ awakening on Earth out of some need to commune with their god, if Primus was even still alive after their several-million-year-long slumber on the organic planet. Optimus had needed it at the time, needed to have some way to communicate with Primus whether he still lived or not, and even though he had felt silly for it at the time, he had knelt before it and prayed nearly every orn since.

But it had never talked _back_ to him before.

“...um.”

 _“I mean it. I’m tired of it. You keep apologizing for_ everything. _For Prima’s sake, one would think every single thing that goes wrong in the universe is your fault, whether it’s Wheeljack blowing himself up in his lab for the millionth time this year or someone taking the wrong exit on the interstate.”_

Okay. Either he had been hit a _lot_ harder in that last battle than he’d originally thought, or his seemingly never-ending question as to their god’s survival had finally been answered. Logic would indicate it was the former; after all, Primus had never spoken to him before, even prior to their evacuation of Cybertron in the middle of the war.

 _“So what if Cliffjumper’s calling Mirage a traitor again? You can’t honestly tell me you’re_ surprised _at this point!”_ Well, that was true. _“And yeah, so Ironhide and Trailbreaker got into it over whose fault it is that Trailbreaker can’t keep his shields up. They’re both rusted old gears - they shouldn’t expect any different. It’s Trailbreaker’s own fault that he’s too stubborn to take that blue medicinal energon Ratchet keeps concocting for him. You can’t_ make _him take it, so tell me why his inability to perform is_ your _fault.”_

“...um.”

 _“And if you think apologizing for the war not ending yet sounds any more sincere now than it did four million years ago, you have another thing coming. Just go bang Megatron’s bolts and call a truce already. It’s not like the_ blatantly obvious _sexual tension between both of you isn’t so thick you could cut it with a rusted spoon, and I know you’ve been lusting after that second in command of his for vorns anyway.”_

Okay, that was enough. “Now, wait just a second-” Optimus started to protest with a glare at the Matrix effigy.

_“Don’t you ‘wait just a second’ me, young mech. Remember who you’re asking for help and advice. Now, go bang one or both of them and end this stupid war or let me nap in peace!”_

Optimus could have sworn the last outburst was followed by a burst of sound remarkably similar to a door being slammed shut, leaving him wondering several things at once: _what_ in creation had just happened, had he imagined that, and if he had, when would Ratchet be available to examine his processor?


End file.
